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jillian, oh jillian

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About Me I'm a 20 year old hawtie. I get confused when I introduce myself because I'm not sure if I should introduce myself as Jill or "Elisha". I haven't gotten my name changed yet, so it gets confusing. I have a loving sister named Jade who is having my neice or nephew sewn. :3 And I have baby kitty-cat named Cookie. I love Paris and anything grape, purple, coffee, or chocolate.

Links - jill's lollipop shack
- jellyjam oekaki
- jillybeans mix
- atashiwa
- pretty heart
- back2life

The Layout This layout was created by volonte. Available at override_lj. The header is by me, though.
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Some random updates [May, 19th 4:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Incase anybody still keeps up with me! I updated my main website, which is located at http://www.jills-shack.com for those of you who don't know. I put up a spankin new RE5 layout, which features javascript hovering, image flipping. zomgz :) Seriously, though, the layout was hard to put together. Not only the javascript (since I don't know javascript), but also the compatibility issues. I couldn't get the layout to work AT ALL in IE, and I finally figured out that it was messing up with how I had my table laid out, cause IE is retarded. But, I wanted everyone to be able to go to my website, obviously. So, it had to be fixed.

Also, JellyJam Oekaki is officially back up and running, as well. For those of you who don't know, I have an oekaki board... Or did... And now I do again! It's now located at http://jellyjam.jaded-visions.net. It is co-run by me and Jade, and hosted on her server. We need more people to join up so it can be as popular as it used to be, though. :(

Another thing going on, is that I will be at a convention in Charlotte, NC from May 29-31st selling artwork. Anybody interested should show up. :) I will have prints of some new colored pencil drawings that I have done and such. It is really good stuff, plus you will get to see me in person (cause I'm real). :P Here is a link to the site: http://www.concarolinas.org/ for all the info.

I also updated my Myspace layout. If anybody on here (gr regs and such) use myspace add me, I'm at http://www.myspace.com/prasempre. :( I feel kind of out of the loop. I never check livejournal or chat much lately. Also, I have an xbox live gamertag now, if you wanna add me on there, it's UmbrellaJill :) I get on sometimes, hopefully I will get back into L4D whenever my bf gets internet at his house. I miss playing that online. :( Plus, I haven't even gotten a chance to play the new multiplayer RE5 stuff. :(

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"Last updated 100 weeks ago"... [Oct, 8th 2:23am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

HA! That's a long time ago. :P I wanted to post something, though. I don't really use livejournal anymore... That always ends up happening, where I use it for short spurts. Oh well, my personality is just like that where my interests skip around. (ask Jade)

Anyways, what I wanted to post about that I thought was interesting is that... I was cleaning my room (I'm working on getting everything *actually* organized) and I pulled my shelf out to clean behind it. I found this thing from like the 6th grade; it's like a paper with photos and people writing on it. My teacher had written that she knew I would make a great performer... It sort of made me sad for a minute to remember how I lost my dream of becoming an actress. Don't know if anybody remembers all that, but I really was serious about becoming an actress for about 10 years (from when I was 5 till 15 or 16). It just reminded me of how good of a performer I really was and how much potential I had that even a 6th grade teacher could recognize it. Or maybe she was just trying to be nice; who knows?

Now, I don't really have my idea of a career really set in stone... I want to try out a few things and then pick a comfortable situation to kind of bring me into retirement. That might involve some sort of business venture or something... A sort of investment/retirement type thing. I want to do linguistic type stuff for the AF, but I'm actually not even sure if I can get into that sort of career path on a business degree. :/ Which is sort of a downer... I want to do something with writing at some point, as well. And I want all this horror stuff I spend all my time on to amount to something one day. And maybe something to do with my art.

Anyways, I just thought that was interesting that I found that. It reminded me of how much I used to want to be an actress. It also makes me wonder if I chose the right path by not pursuing it, but I guess there is no way of knowing the answer to that. I can only work hard to establish myself in some way that makes me happy, I guess. I like to think that one day it will all come together, anyway.

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Update: a reminder of how I think in circles. [Nov, 6th 2:31am]
[ mood | okay ]

Hello. I haven't written in this in a long time. I guess it might as well.

Not sure if anybody has realized, but my website has had a new layout on it for a while now, I think I put it up during August. I'm actually starting a new drawing to put on it too, and I may even make it into a wallpaper. It's an illustration-type drawing of Paris and Nicky. Hopefully it comes out good. (you can't always win!) I haven't been on my oekaki site in a bit though, Jade says she checks it everyday. I guess I should draw something on there sometime soonish too maybe. I guess I've just felt busy lately.

Not too long ago I restarted RECV. Shh... I never actually finished it! I got pretty far in it before, onto Chris's game where he was all the way back at the uhm training facility or whatever, but then I didn't play for a lil while and I went back and I had totally forgotten the maps and what I was doing. :S IMO the maps in that game are a bit harder to memorize, so it makes it a lil harder to keep up. And, actually, I haven't played the new game I started for a while. Hopefully I remember where stuff is... I also ended up starting RE4 over again, I'm trying to save up money this time, so I can buy a fancy new gun. I'm on round 3 for this save, (even though I had beaten it one other time...), and I don't even have 500k yet! Makes me feel kinda dun, but oh well...

Hmm... Nothing really new, I guess. Still single, I guess I'm kinda getting used to it. I just bug other people to give me stuff to do. Although I do stop and think it would be nice to like go on a date or something, but I'm not about to just go out w/some random guy. Even though the random guys keep coming out of nowhere. ~.~ Ick. (No offense to them.) But, anyways, so I've just been hanging out. I've been outside a lot more so I haven't been playing much RO, although I did stop playing as much as I used to because of that guild split thing. :/ Kinda made me feel bad, and I'm pretty sure somebody was doing it to me on purpose. Oh well, I guess you can't make everybody like you. :P If anybody would know that, it'd be me. (I just realized I say "although" too much, but now I can't avoid saying it at this point.)

Been going to school still, and I babysit and make 50$ a week. Doesn't look like it'll end up being enough with Christmas stuff that I need to get for Jade. I dunno what to get Nate if I decide to get him anything. But, I guess he'd feel left out if I got Jade and Haylie something and not him, huh? :P

I've been rethinking stuff about marriage and everything. It's weird how my opinions of this stuff have changed. I guess when you're a young girl that's like a goal in life is to find someone to marry. (Which, it was odd when my last bf was like that too... Which... How many guys are like that? Freaky...) Anyway, so now I'm not even sure if I want to get married. My Sociology teacher had mentioned something before about how marriage... (Sidenote: LOL Josh is pming me about drift racing on tv... LOLhhahahaha *cough*)... About how it like without meaning to gives guys a kind of reign over like the female. Especially the name-changing issue. I used to think I would change my last name to anything because of not liking it. But, now I know that I don't want to share a last name with a partner. I don't like the idea of being like branded as theirs, it's so possessive. I can understand if you change your name to unassociate yourself with your immediate family though. Like how Jade did, that's understandable. But, if your family is perfectly fine, then why claim yourself as part of his? HIS? eh... It might not seem like a big issue, but I bet ten bucks that if you brought it up with your fiance, they would be surprised and some of them might be mad about it. Some of them I'm sure it would embarrass them, make them feel "demasculinized". heh. Especially the ones who are so possessive that they wouldn't want you to associate yourself with males besides themselves. :P (Yes, they do still exist, sadly.) So anyway, I'm not sure if I'd wanna get married at all anymore. There's no reason why you can't just be in a committed relationship with somebody? Maybe have like ceremony for that? But no belonging to each other, people aren't meant to be possessions, (although I may use it as a theme from time to time, but that doesn't mean I truely believe in the concept). But, I know that some people need that extra bit of security too... Afraid somebody will leave them, those kinds of people... eh.

Actually, that brings me to something else. I've been seriously considering writing a book. An exploration of my beliefs and ideas and how they developed and things like that. I wanna put it in essay format, and just whatever other ways of writing that I come up with. I really think it would be a good idea. I always think so far into these things and I can compose them in ways that read nicely, so it seems like it would work.

On top of that, as far as ventures go (did I use that word right?), me and Josh have been working on several comedy series ideas. We've come up with an idea for our "company" or whatever. I'm not giving away any details here though. You'll just have to see for yourself when it comes out. Hoping to find ways to make money off of this. Where due, right?

Christmas is coming up... We're going to Wisconsin. I wanted to have my tattoo done before then. But, I'm too broke. Kinda sad... Not that I don't embarrass my family enough as it is. It always seems like people only have negative things to say about me, my ideas, and how I behave. I'm always the first person blamed for everything, and what may have been funny at first has become an annoyance. Why should everything be my fault? And when I decided I wanted to put color in my hair again, and even though it's just my tips this time... My dad was saying like "you're just doing this because we're going to Wisconsin for Christmas!!" As if that would matter anyway? Like I want to embarrass him? Make a scene? What? ~.~ I had always wanted to put something back into my hair, just because he didn't hear me mention it the other 200 times doesn't mean I didn't want to. It had nothing to do with making *him* look bad. ~.~ Then he always talks about how I dress, like I dress like a slut or something, which anyway, I think I'm old enough to decide how I want to dress. And I think how I dress is just fine. It's not like I only like to wear small clothes, I also like to wear businessy clothes and stuff like that too... I think people get a vibe from me and they just know how I am. I don't think I come off as being slutty at all, so whatever. I just am who I am. :P

I think I should write for some horror column too, (adding a random thought). I watch all I can, and always have. I think I'm pretty knowledgable, though I do have a bad memory. But, I try. Nobody's perfect. :P I think my opinions are valid though, and I know I bring some interesting points to the table. Wouldn't that be neat if someone was reading this who wanted to hire me? Doubtful, I know. Oh yeah, I've been working on a resume for my English class, and actually, it's pretty darned good-lookin... Despite the fact that I have no job experience. :S My list of skills is pretty impressive though! Who knew I could list off so many things... Maybe I'll post it on the internet or something, I love the way Ash set up her lil online resume on her website... I should totally do that. :P

Too many parenthesis in this and too much "although". Oh well! *skips away*

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An update! [Aug, 18th 10:20am]
[ mood | okay ]

Ok, I dunno if anybody was waiting for me to update or not... But, I know I haven't updated in forever... So, I guess I will!

I haven't really been up to *too* much, just been hanging out and stuff. I started babysitting for my mom every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. For those who don't know, my mom has a baby, so yeah. It's not too bad, she pays me 100$ every 2 weeks. I'm casually looking for another job, but ya know... Casually. I have an application to work in the cafeteria at the college that I still haven't turned in yet, but my sister (Krista) might be able to get me a job at her work as a hostess in October after she turns 18. So that's in just 2 months. Kinda neat. I dont know how much I'll be able to work though, usually she goes in around 5 or 5:30, but my mom doesn't get off of work until 6 or 8 depending on how busy she is.

I also started school this week! I have 4 classes this semester, 2 at the school, and 2 online. I have classes on just Tuesday and Thursday, since the other 3 days I'm busy babysitting. Everything seems to work out good. I'm taking professional research and reporting, intro to sociology, business law 2, and principles of marketing. They sound tough, but they shouldn't be so bad!! I'm actually *really* interested in my sociology class. Well, they all seem interesting, actually. But, I didn't know what sociology was until the teacher explained it to us. I've always been into that kinda stuff too, behavioural patterns and people's reactions to things etc etc. Basically, sociology is like the science of how people act in groups and organizations or something like that. It has to do with patterns and stuff like that. So, it sounds pretty neat! I think that would be something I could get into if I really went into it in a feminist type of a way, ya know? I could do rallies and stuff!! But... I won't. :P That sounds like too much effort and I'm not *that* into it.

So, I'm single again. Nick broke up with me a while ago, actually. So, I've been spending my weekends mostly hanging out w/Josh and Karen. It was pretty weird the reasons he broke up with me. o.O; Seems like everybody's breaking up with weird people lately though! Maybe I started a trend. :P Who's next?! haha Atleast my baby kitty cat still luvs me. :3 He's so kewt! It's kinda boring not having a boyfriend though, nobody to call me everyday or try to visit me everyday, stuff like that. Nobody to look pretty for! :( Oh well! I've been spending most of my time playing RO, anyways I guess!! If anybody is interested in joining the server we play on, leave me a message or something!

Well, I guess that's about it. :P Even though I haven't updated in a long time, I'm still pretty boring.

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on the inside truely [Jul, 16th 5:57pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I wish people cared enough about me to try to understand me more than just being able to say they "know me". I wish that I could hit "restart". I wish that people could be more compassionate and empathetic towards me. I wish things were fair. I wish people couldn't hurt or break me.

I just care too much. I'm too vulnerable... :( Beneath all of my apparent aloofness and whateverisms is a deeply warm, affectionate person... I thought it was visible, but I've never been good at thinking.

I wish I wasn't misunderstood. I care about you people, my friends and family... Don't think badly of me, please.

I put everything I am into my kiss... Oh, what did I do? Oh no... :(

♥ ♥ ♥

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birthday, boats, racing weekend [Jul, 3rd 1:13pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Wow, we did a lot of stuff this weekend. o.O;; It was my birthday on friday soo...

Friday:
We had my birthday party! We had lots of food like chips, candy, sloppy joes, cakes, and ice cream. So, there was lotsa stuff going on. And we watched 2 Steven Seagal classics: Exit Wounds and Shadowman. We were sposed to have me, Nick, Scott, Crystal (his new gf), Josh, Karen, Curtis, and Heather. But Scott had to work late and Curtis ended up having to do something w/his family or something so it was just me, Nick, Josh, and Karen. Kinda sucked cause like I said we had a lot of food. D:

But yeah, the movies were pretty owny and we ate a lot of kewl stuff. They ended up staying over pretty late too, till maybe like 4 or something, I don't remember actually. But yeah turns out they were going to see some "tall ships" the next day in a diff town so I was like hey me and Nick should go. /ho

Saturday:
Tall ships! We went, it was hot as hell outside when we got there cause it was like right in the afternoon-afternoon, ya know? Plus I need new insoles in my boots, so I felt like I was gonna die walking to this one place. We had no idea where we were sposed to be going because we didn't have any brochures or maps or anything... So we just got on some bus and it took us to this one street place. There were like 3 areas with diff ships, but we didn't know how to get to them or what to do, and it seemed like a lot of walking... So, anyway we got to the first place, and it turned out there was a place doing speedboat tours and they were going by the tall ships, so we decided to get tickets for that, which was in like a few hours. So, we went to go eat...

Ok, we've noticed that I manage to either piss off or really confuse every single waitress and/or hostess that we see when we go to eat. haha I totally messed up the waitress at this restaurant. Man... It was pretty funny though. Anyways, so after that we had a lil time before the boat trip, so we went in a shop and Nick got sunglasses, then we went in this other place so we could all go pee, (except Josh went poop), and we were amusing the guy working there I guess. haha :P And I got a chocolate ice cream cone, yum.

So then we got on the boat and we got soaked. XD haha It was fun though, and we got to see the tall ships. They were like these replicas of old ships or something. And we were just goofing around and acting dorky, so yeah. /heh Anyway, after that we left, we had to ride a bus back to the car and Josh was talking on the intercom on the bus (the driver actually let him lol). XD

When we got back to Jacksonville, we went to Arby's I think. We got Heather and went to Arby's and got some food, I got some cheeeeeese sticks. 8) And we went back to Karen's house and we played some games and Nick was asleep. lol So then we slept there and stuff.

Sunday:
Woke up, and stuff... Took a shower at Karen's house and then Josh had to take Karen and Heather to work, and I was like well do you wanna go get breakfast or something? So we went out for breakfast and then we were like so what are we gonna do now? Duh! Go see Tokyo Drift, suckas! lol (we were hoping to see a cameo of the master of acting, Paul Walkah! Suckas!) Anywayz, so it didn't start till like 1:30, so Josh went to his house to get some stuff and me and Nick came back to my house. My dad wasn't even home, he was fishing I guess. I tried to call him and tell him we were going drift racing (lol) but he hung up on me :( Well anyway, Nick was playing PSO, so we pretty much missed like all the previews. :( We went into the theater... You'll never believe this... There were PEOPLE there! To see the movie!!!! They were serious! haha I was like wtf are all these people doing here? XD So then we were watching the movie and we kept talking and making fun of it the whole time (that's what we do =;) and I guess we were pissing off people around us because they took the movie seriously. ??? Weird. I was kinda mad that in the end they put Nissan parts inside that Mustang though, it made my woo-hoo sad. It didn't sound right, like it didn't sound all muscular and badass, it had that lil racecar sound, so meh they sux. :( Also, I was hoping to see like a totally "tricked out" Toyota Vitz, but no. No love for the Vitz. :( Nick was mad that there wasn't an Eclipse or enough Mitsubishis. meh :P I think Mustangs and Vitz's are more important, duhhh =;

So then after the movie we were like hmm So wut now... And I was like Actually I'm kinda hungry again. :( So Josh was like Ok let's go to Applebees. And of course... We had to RACE THERE!!! lol hahahaa oh man... So we were at this 4 way intersection and we were in Nick's car and Josh was at the intersection going the opposite way (he was fixing to turn into the way we were going) and we were doing gun symbols at each other from across the way w/our hands. (It means we're "serious" biatches) So then our lane went before Josh got to go and the guy in the front of his row of cars was afraid to turn on a red light. So we won the race 8) So I managed to semi-confuse this waitress with the way I don't like red onions. XD I got some sandwich that was pretty gewd.

So then after that we had to get Karen cause she got out of work, and we went to the gas station and then we went to a car wash and Blockbuster and back to Karen's house. We watched Audition (which I'd been waiting to see) and went to eat at like 3am XD. Then ended up getting home around 5 and I passed out. Actually I'm tired again I think it's about nap time...

Sidenote:
I just realized that there gets to be more info about each day... haha I guess I forgot what happened as the days get older... Isux. :( Oh yeah! My gramma got me for my bday Paris's book "Confessions of an Heiress" and her perfume. :) yay!

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even though the guys are crazy... [Jun, 8th 5:21am]
[ mood | dorky ]

I haven't updated this in a while... I haven't been reading other peoples' either so don't feel bad if you don't care that I'm even updating. What's going on with me...

I gots me a new boyfriend. haha You're probly going "jeez, another one?" >.>;; Well... Yes. haha. Gosh! So yeah, he's nice because he actually cares about me and doesn't pretend to, atleast I think he does. Although, I guess I'm not a very good judge of character am I??

Oh yeah, I guess I should finish off that Andy story huh? blah blah... So basically he ended up breaking up with me again and made up some bullshit excuse *again*. Yeah, he's a lying asshole. You guys can go hunt him down if you want, I don't mind. Really!! >:] He still has my damned necklace. ARGH. EDIT: He actually never really did tell me why. I wrote this last night and I just remembered that. What a fuckin ass. He disgusts me.

So, anyway, back on topic! His name is Nick and he's really kewt and really nice. :) So yay! We've been doing all this stuff together all the time. Jade's like all mad that he's taking up my time away from her. lol XD Actually, we just went to see The Omen yesterday when it came out. I really liked it, but I really liked the original too. I knew they weren't gonna really adjust the deaths too much, they were timeless. Beautiful film. And we've watched a buncha other movies, I make him watch horror movies haha He loves it, he just doesn't know it yet. >:3 We watched Doom tonight. Oh lordie. *rolls eyes* I don't know if the game was originally about a "virus" type thing mutating the people or if they made that up for the movie. I honestly don't even remember there being a storyline in the old Doom games, and my brother said that Doom3 is about some kinda soul stealing thing?? So to me it just seemed like they copied off of RE the whole time. I was saying someone needed to sue or something. =;

And Tyler's back to being my friend now, I think he hated me for a lil while there. And I guess now Dave (another one of my ex's) hates me again. Why? I have no idea, I thought we were cool. lol my bad. :P

So anyway... My birthday is on the 30th of this month. :) I guess Jade actually bought me something that she said I'm gonna love so I'm really excited to see what it is, although now I feel bad for not getting her anything for *her* birthday. Then, on top of that she finds out the sex of her baby, my future neice/nephew, on my birthday!! yay! :3 And I asked my gramma for Paris's "confessions of an heiress" bewk and her first perfume. And I think my dad and Nick are together buying me a 2B Free outfit, so I'm excited about that. And I just realized that I should have a mega super blowout SEAGALATHON on my birthday!!!! Wewt!!

That reminds me, I'm now like the leader of the Steven Seagal fan club. lol It's soooo funny. Man, we watch that shit, it's so fun. haha Seagal pwnz.

Anywayz, there's probly other stuff, but I dunno I hate reading long entries so I try not to write too many long ones. Unless I write one of those long thoughtful, well-written entries. Those are always interesting and fun to read. :)

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She's too pure... [May, 8th 8:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I wrote this short definition essay as my final for English class. My group chose the word "karma" and I was sposed to write about how it relates to fate. So, that's what my essay is about. I think it turned out well, so I felt like posting it. Since "karma" is something that keeps juggling me back and forth it seems like.
...for the likes of this worldCollapse )
Fun, yes? I feel like I'm going kind of crazy lately. :) Actually, to be completely blunt and honest (I'm allowed to do that, right?), it's very... Hard. When you need something unattainable. To touch... To anything... Would be lovely. It's dim, though. Lonely here... I guess I deserve this. Karma. But really though, my body feels like it's about to reach out, only there's nothing there to reach to. It's depressing, I guess. *sigh* On top of that, off and on I wonder if I'm really of any use to anybody... I know my cat needs me, and Jade does, but is that enough to keep someone in this world? When do we reach the point when we're no longer a part of it?

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Silent Hill review by yours truely [Apr, 22nd 12:57pm]
[ mood | okay ]

da da daaaa! Bringing the review skillz to the mewvies.
in here lies a tragedy...Collapse )

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cute quizzies [Apr, 21st 8:32pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Blogthings ovahload. 8)
uluvitCollapse )

Oh yeah, also I went and saw SH... I think it was better than I thought it was going to be, but I'm not quite sure if the details of the backstory they created are actually correct. o.O I think it may confuse some people when they compare it to the game's story. Atleast Paul Anderson didn't get a chance to muck it up. :P Another thing is that I think they didn't use the music very tactfully, there was new music every 2 seconds and it was almost a constant throughout the movie and it was kinda distracting. All in all I thought it was good, I'd see it again. Definitely. /ok Oh, also I really liked the death scenes.

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Because serious, you're so serioussss [Apr, 17th 8:06pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Spiffy new layout, I made it myself this time. (Jade made the last one.) I spent a while working on it so I hope it's purdy. :D Course Paris makes everything purdier. :3

Spring break's ovahhhh! Tomorrow I go back to skewl. I have to edit my essay before tomorrow. >.>;; Oh noes. :(

Edit: haha my dad just got mad at me for not doing it earlier. It's just editing, it takes like 2 seconds. Men. :P

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don't let em take away your beautiful smile~ [Apr, 11th 2:56pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Yowzahs... Haven't updated this.... I spose I should, maybe? Anybody interested?

I can't remember the last time I actually typed anything of substance on here... Soooo... I'm still in skewl, etc. It's spring break right now though. I actually kinda miss going to skewl everyday. I was started to meet more people, etc. So, that's always fun, I guess. o.o;

Actually, I went to the mewvies last week w/some new guy I met named Chris. We went to see The Hills Have Eyes, which he'd already seen, but he said it was good so he didn't mind watching it twice. We were the only people in the theater XD! So we could like talk and say goofy stuff during the mewvie.

Then, on Friday, I called up Josh and I was like "hey I'm about to have a boring spring break, you wanna do something?". lol I'm a dork... Anyways, so he came and got me, then we got Karen and went to the arcade. We played some gamez... Me and Karen didn't wanna play DDR though cause there was like some kinda DDR gang (lol srsly) at the arcade... So, we didn't wanna lewk dun and shiz... So yeah, then we played some battle of the sexes air hockey with me/Karen vs Josh. We still lost. :( And we were racin and shiz tew yo. lol So then Curtis and Heather got there and we played some laser tag. I thought I'd try playing it w/out my heels on this time... >.>;; Good going, cause afterwards my legs were all screwed up. >:[ So then we left and we got some leet ass mewvies at blockbuster (The Gingerdead Man, and Santa's Slay) and we got some tacos at Taco Bell. Then we went to Josh's house and ate some tacos and watched the leet movies and drank some coffee. Then we went to bed and Josh thought it was really strange that I was afraid of the dark. >:[ Nothin wrong w/that!

Anywayz... So then in the morning I was having trouble walking cause my legs were all screwed up. Heather and Curtis left, we went to Heather's house and met up w/them. We watched some tv, I took a nap, we ate some dinner, and played a game. Then we went over to Karen's house... Oh wait! But on the way there we were throwing eggs at Curtis's car. lol hahahahaha So we watched some tv at Karen's house and drank some coffee. And me and Curtis ate like all Karen's oreos. >:3 Well, except for one, cause we didn't want anymore and there was 1 left. ;( So thennnnnn... I got home at like 3, barely able to walk. :(

Then on Sunday and Monday I didn't do anything cept lay around cause my legs were killin me. Oh wait! I went out to dinner on Sunday w/my dad and his girlfriend. XD Her and her daughter were all saying I was really skinny and pretty and stuff. :) I was like yeah I try hard to be skinny and stuff. :3 It's kewl when people notice. His gf was saying I should go to Taiwan w/her (I guess thats where she's from) and she said that like all the guys would like wanna go out w/me or something. So me and my dad were saying I'd end up coming back w/the president of X corporation, who has like 6 cars and 3 mansions etc. lol hahahahahahaa >:]

Ok, so now I'm just sitting here doing nothing.... Ok, let's take a few steps backwards... Instead of talking about stuff that I did recently let's talk about this other crap going on...

Ok! o.O; So... >.>;;;;;; I bet everyone remembers that long entry I wrote about Andy, right? Or if they read it, anyway. So I guess you all kinda know a lil bit about him, then. Well... Uhm... A few weeks ago he decided he was randomly ready to apologize. o.O Weird, huh??

Well, he says that he is different and that he had been thinking about me since we broke up and been trying to decide what he wanted to do, etc. Whether or not that is actually true, I don't know, I guess. I was trying to be mean and shrug him off at first, because that's actually what he deserves after he did it to me.

But, I cracked. I emailed him saying how I was going out w/Tyler and how I didn't know if I could be friends w/him and how I didn't really know what he wanted etc, and I was trying to throw in some rude things in there. So, then he emails me back saying that he actually wanted to get back together w/me and how he felt all bad about what happened etc. I dunno, when I read it I was like felt all sick and had a headache and stuff.... Cause here I was, about to move out w/Tyler. Ya know??? Then this gets thrown in my lap on top of that.

Then I started talking to him again and he was saying how he wanted me to go down there for my spring break, so I could see for myself if he was different and how well we could get along together etc. I was like why do you even care this much about something that you threw away, etc, ya know? And he was saying he didn't wanna let it go because we still had a connection that he could feel, or somethin. So, I told him I would think about it. Which really meant that I would battle it out inside my head. XD

Well, this whole time I'd been telling Tyler what was going on. Cause, I don't wanna hide stuff from him, and I thought he had a right to know. When I told him I was actually considering going to FL, Tyler went off on me. :/ He was like yelling at me and he said I was "fucked up". Tyler was yelling at me and saying that he couldn't believe I would even consider talking to Andy or whatever because of how I always said bad things about him. But, I told Tyler that I probly was saying it, realistically, to remind myself. I haven't talked to him since, actually. And that was probly over a week ago, I dunno. I actually ended up talking to Ash about it and she was saying some things that made me realize that maybe my relationship with Tyler really wasn't even based on my feelings in the first place. Like maybe I just ended up going out w/him and wanting to move in w/him because that's how he felt for me and maybe I just needed that for myself. I dunno, maybe she was right.

So, next, I listened to my dad argue w/me about it. Well, after already hearing what Jade and Ash had to say, of course. My dad was telling me I was being really stupid and that people don't change, etc. But, I dunno... I can change, so hmmmmm... He was saying he knows I don't listen to his opinion, so he told me I should listen to other people's as well. But, I already know what other people are going to say. I'm not that stupid. :P Anyway, my dad said I could do whatever I want, but if I went to FL, then I would be doing something really stupid etc. Actually, he was also saying that like he was looking forward to meeting Tyler, which kinda made me feel bad. >.>;;

So, I was kinda planning in the back of my head actually going, but I didn't say anything to Andy about it because I didn't want him to think he was 'holding any cards', ya know? I told him on the Wednesday before the week I was sposed to be there, and it turned out the plane ticket price had risen too high. So, I couldn't go anyway. After all that drama. How do ya like that? :P Jade was like laughing at me about it though, obviously she liked it. :P

Anyway... Still talkin to Andy, I guess we're back together again??... Not really sure what's gonna happen w/that. Any thoughts? I was gonna make this a friends-only entry. Oh well. I try to do as few friends-only entries as possible. /hmm

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I'm still here, bitches :P [Apr, 1st 3:12pm]
[ mood | bored as crappp ]

Hmm haven't updated in a while.. Haven't really been on livejournal at all, actually. ^.^;; I guess stuff has been going on, I just haven't really felt like writing about anything. And I still don't. Just popping in to say 'hi' I guess. :P Hi!

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mj looks like mario clouds [Feb, 26th 11:00pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So lyke... Jade made us these kewl matching lj headers and stuff and lyke... wewt!! \o/

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Oekaki!~ [Feb, 19th 1:36pm]
[ mood | bored ]

So, I'm back on *my* computer, so I can do stuff now. Me and Jade started our own oekaki board on my server. http://www.jills-shack.com/jellyjam is the address. Be sure to check it out and to join if you like to draw, or tell people who do. :3 That's all I feel like typing for now. Please join up!

Oh- I just remembered that the other day I was talking to Ash and we were talking about how she got flowers etc, and ended up talking about the flowers that Andy sent me. And she was like well maybe what was on the card he didn't make it up and maybe I should look it up or something. Well, I was just talking to Mike and he was talking about a poem that *he* wrote for his gf and I remembered that chat that me and Ash had. So... I did a google search and found the words that he had put in the card. Here's the link. Anyway it's in that site somewhere sans a few words (maybe they had a word count limit). Anyway, how shite is that? Everything about him is so fake... >.>;; I bet every other "poem" or whatever that he sends people is all fake. :/ Anyway, just thought I'd share that with y'all, for those who'd find it interesante. Not trying to beat a dead horse or anything, I just thought it was hmm hehe XD I hate men XD

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We won the superbowl!! (I was there in spirit, ok) [Feb, 6th 3:07pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Yay!! Ok, so... I wore my jersey and makeup and shiz to skewl today... You would not believe how many people I heard loudly talking behind my back about Ben's touchdown. Well, to all of those people let me point this stuff out...

-If they had actually seen where the ball was in relation to the white line while it was in the air (his arm was over it) and it wasn't at all on top of the white line (when he was still in the air) -and they had decided that it was conclusive enough to overrule the calling- they would have still gotten a field goal and won. Because Jeff Reed doesn't usually miss... Because the score would have been 17-10.

-If the Steelers had been forced to get a field goal on the play instead of a touchdown and the Seahawks managed to actually not miss 2 field goals, the Steelers still would have won 17-16.

One of the deciding plays really was the trick play where Randle El threw the ball for a touchdown. I've seen them use similar plays a few times, and they get talked about a lot. I knew they were gonna use one this game, but I don't think the Seahawks were ready for it. They got all confused and whatnot. But, I think that's the play that really sealed the win and set a tempo. I think Randle El should have gotten MVP for that play. It's nice to have players with multiple talents. :)

And the Seahawks were acting like poor sports the whole game anyway. I mean, I swear there was one play where one of the Steelers were already down (I think it was Randle El) and one of the Seahawks players freakin jumped on him, but nobody called it. And one of em got a *really* cheap shot in the back at Ben, but it seemed like nobody noticed. It was pretty obvious that they were trying to injure him... Plus, after Ben got the td and the Seahawks' coach was walking off the field he was freakin blaming the fact that they were losing on the referees. Well, how about not pointing fingers and just trying to be a better sport about it, huh? Not very sportsmanlike. :/

I'm not trying to be like "in your face, we won" at any Seahawks fans. (Though I really don't believe such a group of people existed until this season.) But, I was just getting so annoyed at people today whining and bitching. Get over it. Gawd. >.> If the team they have now is really meant to do well, they'll be able to make it back to the playoffs next year. They're still a young team anyway; they were started in like the 80s, right?? In comparison to the Steelers having been around since 33 (as the Pirates, then 41 (41, right?) as the Steelers). So, yeah, they'll have another chance.

And, I mean, really... People try to act like the Seahawks are like not matched up well vs the Steelers, acting like the Seahawks were underdogs or something... But like... The Steelers got to the playoffs on a *wildcard*, they weren't even at the top of the AFC North. But they managed to beat out the Colts (everyone's pick for the Superbowl), the Bengals (who played surprisingly well this year), and the Broncos (who came out of nowhere with a much better playing version of Jake Plummer). So, they earned the right to get into the Superbowl, but people were *still* doubting them. I don't really think many people thought they would win because of how they played in the actual season, people just hoped they would win. I didn't even do any kind of trash-talking or anything before the game because, in my opinion, it could have gone either way.

Well, then look at the NFC... Does anybody even remember who made it to the playoffs for the NFC? Uhmm... The Panthers?? C'mon, the only team people were really thinking of for the NFC was pretty much the Seahawks. The Seahawks had an easy stroll into the Superbowl this year.

So, the best of one division vs the team nobody thought would even make it to the Superbowl. Yeah... Sounds unfair... Towards maybe the Steelers. The team who, some people would even say, got there by luck. So, if the Seahawks lost to the Steelers, then that's just how it is. And it was a good game anyway. Actually, I think the Steelers kinda play rubber-bandish. I think once they get a feel for who they're playing against, it seems like they play about as well as that team and the game goes until the very last minutes.

I don't think a lot of people thought they would actually win, I'm sure a lot of people lost money on it. But, like I've been saying all season, we've got heart. :3

Oh, btw, my computer's still not fixed. There's something srsly wrong with it. >.>

-Oh yeah, check out this screenshot that Tyler took. He saw it on the actual front page of Yahoo. He says the whole first quarter of the game they had Denver displayed as the other team in the Superbowl. haha See, nobody believe the Steelers would go, even after they were already there. Even after they put a picture of Ben on the page. dumbasses

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[Jan, 21st 1:10pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Just telling everybody that I probly won't be online for a while. I have my computer turned off as of today, it's not even recognizing my network connection atm. One of my harddrives is seriously messed up, once I get a new one then I'm gonna reformat the C drive too. I wont' be on the computer unless I need it for something, so I'm just telling y'all. Spread the word or something. :P

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blur the edges to hide the lines~ [Jan, 10th 5:57am]
[ mood | calm ]

Hello, my beautiful people! So... Let's see, what am I up to? Well, I've gone to school for 3 days now; I go today, too. Been up early today, though, so I have some time to spare.

I haven't been able to sleep, that's why. :/ I dunno why, I guess. 2 of the days I went to school it was on 3 hours of sleep, then I went on 1 hour, then yesterday I took a nap from like 5pm-12am and woke up. Been up since. I tried to go to sleep at like 2:30, but it didn't work. ^.^;; Gives me more time to perfect my eye makeup though. :) I love it. People probly think it's too much, but it just suits me. Yesterday I wore my Ben jersey to school and I was walking in the cafeteria and some guy was like "now that is unflattering". I dunno if he was talking about my eyemakeup or the fact that I was wearing a jersey that isn't exactly form-fitting. XD I was like o.O;; But, he might not have even been talking about me, I guess. So, whatever. Jealous.

Have some show and tell thing today for my public speaking class. I'm gonna bring the picture from Jade's dissolve show that she sent me. I was trying to think of something that I could talk about to the class and I was like "what means something to me? Well... Anything from Jade does..." Then, I thought of that print-out. hehe I swear this class... I feel like I've been enrolled in another drama class. -.-;; Which I am so over. We have to do like... The whole class is presentations in front of everyone. That's basically what your assignments are. Well, I don't have a problem speaking in front of groups of people, but it's just kinda like blah blah. I'm so over that, ya know? I've been through enough drama stuff, k thx. But, I dunno I spose it can't hurt me. Maybe it'll give me more self-esteem or something.

I've been thinking lately. Cause like, I think the people around me have helped me realize that I have like... Self-esteem and insecurity issues or something. Like, I don't like doing things alone or whatever... Like... I don't like calling places to ask questions about whatever or like going up to someone to ask them something. I just feel like I'm bothering them and I don't like being in places with lots of people because I feel like I'm in the way. (as small as I am, I know) And I don't like going to buffets or looking at clothes and shopping alone. And I don't think I could even eat at a sit down restaurant by myself. It just feels like everyone's staring at me and for some reason that bothers me. I know I just said I was comfortable speaking in front of groups of people, but it's not *really* the same thing. For instance, I kinda made a big deal because when I was in the Charlotte airport on my way home I went to a starbucks there and I ordered a mocha and I was by myself. There was nobody with me, ya know. I dunno, it made me feel really accomplished for some reason. Just lil things like that. I was wondering if maybe I should speak to a counselor or psychologist about it or something. It's just an annoying obstacle to always have in my way and I'd like to fix it. Kinda hoping that the public speaking class will, in some way, help it fix itself. You wouldn't even think that just by talking to me, that I have that problem. XD I'm not sure what the cause of it is.

But yeah, it's been ok I guess. To be able to get out of the house and see faces and interact with people. Always a positive thing. There's a lot of truth to the fact that the sims have that lil "social" gauge. XD Met up with a few people I knew in hs. I'm a pretty recognizable person, I guess. Despite that fact that I'd changed haircolours a few times. XD Oh well. And Scott's been driving me home. ^.^ I think I wanna see if I can possibly get a job at Circuit City with him and if I can get the same hours or something. (If that's even possible) First they have a stupid personality test that I'd have to pass though. I really hate those and I honestly don't think they help the hiring process. I think it just confuses people and gives more opportunity for them to feel pressured into not being themselves. But, what do I know?

I need to start tagging all my entries. Sorry for always typing long entries haha.

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stalkerrrr [Jan, 7th 3:01am]
[ mood | amused ]

Matt if you're reading this, uradork. :)

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lalala >.>;; [Jan, 6th 11:12pm]
[ mood | annoyed@poster crap ]

Well, they emailed me finally w/the link to my poster for voting. It really pisses me off, though, because they compressed my poster. It really messed up the color and makes it the lettering look dulled out. ARGH. -.-;; Retards. *rolls eyes* I didn't submit a filesize above the limit or anything, this is just retards resaving w/bad quality. I'm srsly pissed off, wtf. And it looks like they're not even going to have regular voting. It's just *completely* a popularity contest. You have to direct-link anybody you want to vote for your poster. I'm not sure if they're going to change it to have gallery, or atleast put like a way to look through them without having to change the url manually. -.-;; Some people... Anyway, the link is here: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/silenthill/postercontest/vote/vote_popup.php?imgId=1792 so if you want you can vote, and please tell other people, too. Since the people who set this up are obviously retarded and don't know what the word "fair" means. Which would also explain their careless disregard for the quality of my poster. *SIGH*

Anyway, I started school. I've been to 2 days now. ^.^;; Bought books today too. So that's neat. Makes me feel kinda special having classes in the business building. ^.^ My english class is stupid though, it's sposed to teach how to structure your writing and how to form paragraphs and essays. -.-;; Yeah, I really need help w/that... And there's sposed to be a lot of "peer editing" involved. Uhm... 10 bucks says that most of the people in that class can't structure essays as well as I can. And I'm in "intro to computers". Joy. Another lot of retards. Well...

I guess that's about it.

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