jillian, oh jillian (jill_redfield) wrote,
jillian, oh jillian
jill_redfield

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Update: a reminder of how I think in circles.

Hello. I haven't written in this in a long time. I guess it might as well.

Not sure if anybody has realized, but my website has had a new layout on it for a while now, I think I put it up during August. I'm actually starting a new drawing to put on it too, and I may even make it into a wallpaper. It's an illustration-type drawing of Paris and Nicky. Hopefully it comes out good. (you can't always win!) I haven't been on my oekaki site in a bit though, Jade says she checks it everyday. I guess I should draw something on there sometime soonish too maybe. I guess I've just felt busy lately.

Not too long ago I restarted RECV. Shh... I never actually finished it! I got pretty far in it before, onto Chris's game where he was all the way back at the uhm training facility or whatever, but then I didn't play for a lil while and I went back and I had totally forgotten the maps and what I was doing. :S IMO the maps in that game are a bit harder to memorize, so it makes it a lil harder to keep up. And, actually, I haven't played the new game I started for a while. Hopefully I remember where stuff is... I also ended up starting RE4 over again, I'm trying to save up money this time, so I can buy a fancy new gun. I'm on round 3 for this save, (even though I had beaten it one other time...), and I don't even have 500k yet! Makes me feel kinda dun, but oh well...

Hmm... Nothing really new, I guess. Still single, I guess I'm kinda getting used to it. I just bug other people to give me stuff to do. Although I do stop and think it would be nice to like go on a date or something, but I'm not about to just go out w/some random guy. Even though the random guys keep coming out of nowhere. ~.~ Ick. (No offense to them.) But, anyways, so I've just been hanging out. I've been outside a lot more so I haven't been playing much RO, although I did stop playing as much as I used to because of that guild split thing. :/ Kinda made me feel bad, and I'm pretty sure somebody was doing it to me on purpose. Oh well, I guess you can't make everybody like you. :P If anybody would know that, it'd be me. (I just realized I say "although" too much, but now I can't avoid saying it at this point.)

Been going to school still, and I babysit and make 50$ a week. Doesn't look like it'll end up being enough with Christmas stuff that I need to get for Jade. I dunno what to get Nate if I decide to get him anything. But, I guess he'd feel left out if I got Jade and Haylie something and not him, huh? :P

I've been rethinking stuff about marriage and everything. It's weird how my opinions of this stuff have changed. I guess when you're a young girl that's like a goal in life is to find someone to marry. (Which, it was odd when my last bf was like that too... Which... How many guys are like that? Freaky...) Anyway, so now I'm not even sure if I want to get married. My Sociology teacher had mentioned something before about how marriage... (Sidenote: LOL Josh is pming me about drift racing on tv... LOLhhahahaha *cough*)... About how it like without meaning to gives guys a kind of reign over like the female. Especially the name-changing issue. I used to think I would change my last name to anything because of not liking it. But, now I know that I don't want to share a last name with a partner. I don't like the idea of being like branded as theirs, it's so possessive. I can understand if you change your name to unassociate yourself with your immediate family though. Like how Jade did, that's understandable. But, if your family is perfectly fine, then why claim yourself as part of his? HIS? eh... It might not seem like a big issue, but I bet ten bucks that if you brought it up with your fiance, they would be surprised and some of them might be mad about it. Some of them I'm sure it would embarrass them, make them feel "demasculinized". heh. Especially the ones who are so possessive that they wouldn't want you to associate yourself with males besides themselves. :P (Yes, they do still exist, sadly.) So anyway, I'm not sure if I'd wanna get married at all anymore. There's no reason why you can't just be in a committed relationship with somebody? Maybe have like ceremony for that? But no belonging to each other, people aren't meant to be possessions, (although I may use it as a theme from time to time, but that doesn't mean I truely believe in the concept). But, I know that some people need that extra bit of security too... Afraid somebody will leave them, those kinds of people... eh.

Actually, that brings me to something else. I've been seriously considering writing a book. An exploration of my beliefs and ideas and how they developed and things like that. I wanna put it in essay format, and just whatever other ways of writing that I come up with. I really think it would be a good idea. I always think so far into these things and I can compose them in ways that read nicely, so it seems like it would work.

On top of that, as far as ventures go (did I use that word right?), me and Josh have been working on several comedy series ideas. We've come up with an idea for our "company" or whatever. I'm not giving away any details here though. You'll just have to see for yourself when it comes out. Hoping to find ways to make money off of this. Where due, right?

Christmas is coming up... We're going to Wisconsin. I wanted to have my tattoo done before then. But, I'm too broke. Kinda sad... Not that I don't embarrass my family enough as it is. It always seems like people only have negative things to say about me, my ideas, and how I behave. I'm always the first person blamed for everything, and what may have been funny at first has become an annoyance. Why should everything be my fault? And when I decided I wanted to put color in my hair again, and even though it's just my tips this time... My dad was saying like "you're just doing this because we're going to Wisconsin for Christmas!!" As if that would matter anyway? Like I want to embarrass him? Make a scene? What? ~.~ I had always wanted to put something back into my hair, just because he didn't hear me mention it the other 200 times doesn't mean I didn't want to. It had nothing to do with making *him* look bad. ~.~ Then he always talks about how I dress, like I dress like a slut or something, which anyway, I think I'm old enough to decide how I want to dress. And I think how I dress is just fine. It's not like I only like to wear small clothes, I also like to wear businessy clothes and stuff like that too... I think people get a vibe from me and they just know how I am. I don't think I come off as being slutty at all, so whatever. I just am who I am. :P

I think I should write for some horror column too, (adding a random thought). I watch all I can, and always have. I think I'm pretty knowledgable, though I do have a bad memory. But, I try. Nobody's perfect. :P I think my opinions are valid though, and I know I bring some interesting points to the table. Wouldn't that be neat if someone was reading this who wanted to hire me? Doubtful, I know. Oh yeah, I've been working on a resume for my English class, and actually, it's pretty darned good-lookin... Despite the fact that I have no job experience. :S My list of skills is pretty impressive though! Who knew I could list off so many things... Maybe I'll post it on the internet or something, I love the way Ash set up her lil online resume on her website... I should totally do that. :P

Too many parenthesis in this and too much "although". Oh well! *skips away*
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I think I update my journal more often than you do now. ;x

Anyways, just wanted to say hi and all that fun stuff. Funny how you just recently had some problems with msn and now I did. @_@ But I got those fixed now, so maybe I'll drop you an im sometime and we can talk.

Ta-ta.~
-Josh
gosh you haven't updated in more than a year :(